A List of Team Names to Prepare for the NHL's Expansion

It was reported by TSN's Bob McKenzie that the NHL might be willing – and getting closer – to taking a chance on putting an expansion franchise in Las Vegas.  How fun.  This, of course, arouses the since dormant talk about placing another team in Seattle or Quebec City – two cities that will have NHL ready arenas in the next few years – in order to bring the number of NHL teams to the nice even number of 32.  But, as the report also suggests, the NHL may not be content with 32 teams.  This includes placing a franchise in any of those cities, plus a second franchise in the Greater Toronto Area, Hamilton, Saskatoon, Prince Edward Island, etc.

Well, we here at LCOB have read the report and we know what this means: It's a forgone conclusion that Kansas City will be getting an NHL expansion franchise within the next year.  It's the only logical conclusion.

Seeing as this is a 100% guarantee, as these expansion stories have been in the past and will continue to be in the future, we have come up with a list of the top 5 possible team names and jersey designs for the next great Kansas City sports franchise.  Follow the jump to enjoy (and dream!!!)…

A Dream: Riding the Bus of Disappointment

What follows after the jump chronicles a dream I had the other day.  Well, dream is such a loose term.  Let's just call it a night terror.  It may not entertain you, but, well, let's just say the brain is an amazingly ambiguous organ.

Roster Cut: Inside Deano's Office During the Kevin Westgarth Trade

What follows is a new feature called "Roster Cut" which will feature some of my Los Angeles Kings-centric articles that did not make the cut on Jewels From the Crown because they really had nothing to do with anything.  Basically, they were just fun to create, and I'd like to post them, and there is a lack of KC hockey news.  So yeah.  But, be aware of some fun stuff coming to LCOB in the near future.  It's a surprise, so just be patient and deal with it.

This first post places us inside Kings GM Dean Lombardi's office (he of columbs and truth seeking) as he tells seldom used enforcer Kevin Westgarth he will no longer be with the team.

The Stanley Cup Goes to Some Weird Places

For some reason, I am on the media mailing list for KC ICE's Northland rink at Burlington Creek.  Yay!(?)

Anyway, the Stanley Cup – or one of the twenty replicas – is coming to the rink this Saturday, January 5th if you would like to see it.  Actually, it's coming to EnChamas restaurant, but, eh...close enough.  So, go see it if you want to see it.  It's worth the price of admission to see Anze Kopitar's name on there, let me tell you buddy.  BONUS: For a small fee, you can get your picture with the Cup AND 1980 USA Gold Medalist and local guy Ken Morrow.  Yay!(?)  Here's the promo flyer.

So, yeah, there's that.  It made me wonder what other random people charged you to take pictures with the Cup at random locations.

Page-by-Page Breakdown of the NHL's 76,000 Page Financial Report

Via Kevin Westgarth on Twitter @KWesty19

If you haven't heard, the NHL turned over a 76,000(!) page financial report to the NHLPA earlier this week. It's easy to speculate what actually went into the report, but then again, the NHLPA's Donald Fehr said this is just part of the financial information the players' association requested. It is the hope that with this information, the NHLPA will be able to form a counter-proposal to the NHL's proposal early in July.

Well, lucky for you, I called around, and asked nicely, and did some things I'm not proud of, and I have obtained a copy of that report. You can see the page-by-page breakdown after the jump. Are you ready? Prepare to set your mind to blown.

Chris Hansen: Sports Franchise Predator

Earlier today, it was announced that the prospective builder of a new Seattle arena and potential NBA team owner, Chris Hansen, has laid out plans for the construction of a $490 million facility.

The agreement states construction could only begin on a new Seattle arena as soon as it is guaranteed to have at least an NBA tenant.  No NHL franchise is required to start construction on the building, though Hansen has not ruled out an attempt to lure a hard-luck franchise having problems in their current home.  KING 5 in Seattle and Seattle PI have the goods on all of the particulars, and I encourage you to peruse them at your leisure.

Puck Daddy's Greg Wyshynski compiles both stories here, but he goes light on the "geek(ing) out" this time over the prospect of an NHL team in Seattle.  Of course, as you know, a wicked shade of green jersey does not a hockey team make.  Also, remember, Vancouver and Seattle are close.  So, that's always good.

Kansas Citians will remember an arena built a few years ago that was supposed to have a professional sports tenant blah blah blah.... you know the story.

So, anyway, I'm bad at segues, so after the jump potential Seattle arena builder Chris Hansen talks to Dateline NBC's To Catch a Predator's Chris Hansen.  Because, you see, they share the same name.  Enjoy!

Puck Reviews: The Blue Line Sports Bar

Via

This is a fictional review based on actual person/ people you probably know.  Today’s review is of the Kansas City area’s only hockey bar, The Blue Line.  You can find The Blue Line in the River Market district downtown at 529 Walnut, Kansas City, MO.  And online at thebluelinekc.com

My personal opinion: It’s quaint, it has a lot of cool hockey stuff on the walls, and it shows hockey.  All you need as a hockey fan, right?  For bar food, the food is actually pretty decent.  When hockey isn’t going on, they show sports and whatnot, so it’s just another nice place to hang out downtown.  Nothing flashy, but cool to have here in town.  But don’t take it from me, check it out yourself!

Today’s reviewer: Some middle-management type bro in his late-20s from a downtown corporate office nearby going to the bar with some friends from work.  He’s totes pumped about a new hockey bar in KC!  And, don’t be offended if you think he is shouting at you, because he is, but it's not your fault.

My Contribution to the "Doughty Laughing" Meme

LA Kings defenseman Drew Doughty was caught laughing at the chaos going on behind him during a scuffle in Game 2 of the Vancouver Canucks-Kings series.  This is important (as some people have pointed out) because it shows a more relaxed attitude than what the Kings had in their previous two playoff appearances.  But you don't need to know that.

What you need to know:

• Here is the original photo (also the header pic)
• Here is the video of the original photo
• Here is a gallery using the Doughty laughing image in situations where it otherwise would not be seen.

That's pretty much it.  After the jump, I have offered a few.

Gary Bettman Reveals the Potential Coyotes Mysterious International Ownership Group

Meanwhile, at NHL Headquarters...

(Charlie Brown teacher voice comes through the phone)

Gary Bettman (on phone): Yes, yes.  I know, Mrs. Scraggs.  And I keep telling you, it just doesn't work like that.  Uh-huh.  Yeah.  Hey, look, I have another call coming in.  How about this, when you can talk to me like an adult, call me back.

(Bettman clicks over to other line)

Bettman: Gary Bettman here, how may I help you?

Mysterious businessman: Hallo!  I am a, err, businessman from Germania, and I am mucho interestante in owning your Phoenix franchise.  Muy muy interestante!

Bettman: Um, okay.  I didn't know we had any international ownership groups interested in purchasing the Coyotes.

Mysterious businessman: Oh oui.  I have always wanted to own an NHL team, ever since I was a little mensch wearing my lederhosen on the frozen pond.

Bettman: Okay, do you have a name, by chance?

Mysterious businessman: All you need to know is that I represent a very importante investment group.

Bettman: And what is the name of your investment group?

Mysterious businessman: Um...its, uh...G....E...A.  Uh...German....Engineering....um...Artichokes...or something.

Bettman: Oookay... well, let's get down to business.  No BS.  What are you willing to offer us to purchase the organization?

Mysterious businessman: Anything you want.  We will do whatever it takes to make the Coyotes the most a la carte team in the league.  A la mode, if you will.

Bettman: You know what, I don't think we will be using your services.  Thanks for the offer, though.

Mysterious businessman: NEIN! NEIN! NEIN!  Achtung, Senor Bettman!  You need someone to own the sporting club, n'est-ce pas?

Bettman: Well, yes...

Mysterious businessman: Yes!  Si!  Da!  You need me!  You will amor me as an NHL owner!

Bettman: (heavy sigh) Mr. Leiweke, I know it's you, so please quit wasting my time.  I have more important things to do.  Plus, I'm meeting Shea Weber for dinner in twenty minutes.

Mysterious businessman: Mr. Leiweke.  Sacrebleu!  I know of no Monsieur Leiweke!

Bettman: Mr. Leiweke, I know it's you, and you already know you cannot own two NHL franchises.  As the owner of the Kings, you are disqualified from the Coyotes...err...sweepstakes.

Tim Leiweke:  Oh, well, haha.  Sorry, Gar-bear.  Just pullin' your leg.  But, for reals, let me own another franchise.

Bettman: No.

Leiweke: Ah man, that's not fair!

Bettman:  I know.

(Bettman hangs up phone)

Great Moments In Illegal Ryane Clowe Poke Checking History

Via

As you might have seen or heard from last night's San Jose Sharks-Los Angeles Kings game, late in the game the Sharks forward Ryane Clowe reached over the boards to break up a Kings rush into the offensive zone.  This is illegal, but the problem is, none of the officials on the ice saw it happen.  The Sharks would go on to win in a shootout, and the winner of their game on Saturday now could determine who is the Pacific Division champion and gets the third seed in the Western Conference.

Video of the play below:

After doing a little research, I found out this isn't the first time Ryane Clowe has been involved in illegally using his stick.  Take a walk down memory lane, and see what else Clowe has done without the officials, or anyone, taking notice.

The NHL Templars Have a Problem, And Only One Man Can Help

Preface:  If you haven't read this post yet, then you are going to have no idea what the hell is going on.  Click the hotlink, read that, then your opinion of how stupid this is will really matter.

NHL Headquarters, Somewhere in Toronto, Last Week

*Knock* *knock*

Via

NHL Grand Master Gary Bettman: Yes, thou art welcome in mine quarters.

(Steward Bill de Daly enters solar chambers)

Via

Bill de Daly: Greetings, Master Bettman.  How does this day find you?

Bettman:  Not so well, kind steward.  For thou see, there art cracks in our once impenetrable sallyport.

Daly: Sir, I just came through the sallyport.  Twas nothing....

Because Valentines Day Occurs During Hockey Season

"As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words... and hockey."
--William "Gordie" Shakespeare

Ah, Valentines Day is nearly upon us.  Can't us just smell the love in the air...underneath all of the snow? Well, never mind.

Anyway, enough small talk.  I have a confession to make.  During the Kansas-Mizzou Border War hockey game a few weeks ago, a certain someone caught my eye.  No, it wasn't the 'Dave' guy from those Staples commercials, although I swear some guy that either was him or looked like him was chillin' at the IEC dining area in-between periods.  It was a much lovelier beauty, with a name unknown.  She was the equipment girl/towel girl/bench bunny for the Jayhawks squad.  Her beauty unmatched by any other in the arena.  Her flowing golden hair moved with ease with each graceful step she took across the ice to the bench.  You should have seen her, you guys.  Here is a totally unflattering photo:

She is the one in the middle

You can also see a video of me totally not being a creep here.

Her presence was magical, really.  Something you notice, and cannot look away.

But, I have a problem, you guys.  Well, not so much me, but its her.  As a great man once said, "There is no excellent beauty than hath not some strangeness in the proportion."  This is true, for you see, she does not smile.  For three periods of hockey, not once did could you see a dimple in her cheek, or her lips upturn in a show of sudden emotion.  So stoic and unflinching, it makes me sad to think about.  Sure, she could have been "all business," taking a cue from Vince Lombardi's "act like you've been there before" motto, but it still makes me feel helpless.  If she cannot enjoy a hockey game, what can she enjoy?

So, I wrote a poem, you guys.  I wrote it because I think she speaks for all of us as hockey fans.  But, I mainly wrote because she's attractive.

(Note: for the sake of this poem, NHL is one syllable)


Ode to a Blank Faced Bench Beauty

The "Coolest Game on Earth" does not compare,
With thee beauty, much greater than the NHL.
Sweet, sensuous shock straighter than Smyth's hair.
Though your stare is as icy as Smashville.

For some, to kiss the Cup is one great wish,
For others, it is merely to kiss your cheek.
And plus, the Cup does not pucker its lips,
Or smile weak.  Though your smile is what one seeks.

But, longer loveliness than a season,
Somatic seduction.  A souvenir?
Rather, thou give hockey fans a reason
To want its charm and grace for all the year.

Even the cute girl with a face of stone,
Cannot build a Seattle team a home.


(BOOM!  Nailed it!)

An Unexpected Twist in the Struggle for Leadership of the Kansas City School District

(Kansas City School Board office door bursts open)

Mayor Sly James:  Alright, enough wankin’ off!  I’m in charge here!

KC School Board Members:  Umm... what?

Mayor James:  You ethics hating curmudgeons have brought enough bad press to this district with your negativity and unwillingness to cooperate.  You’re just as bad as a gun-toting urban teenager dropped off at the Cinemark Palace by his absentee parents to see the new Muppet movie on a Friday night.  You people disgust me, so I’m taking over.

KC School Board Members:  Umm... no.

Mayor James:  What, you don’t think I can make better decisions than this MENSA meeting?  I cleared the riff-raff out of the Plaza.  What have you done lately other than drive a superintendent out of town and cause the district to lose accreditation?

KC School Board Members:  None of what you just said is necessarily true...

Mayor James:  Are you calling me a liar?  No one calls the Sly One a liar!

KC School Board Members:  Mayor James, we would be more than happy to work with you if the opportunity presents itself.

Mayor James:  Oh, so you’re going to play that game, eh?  Well, it looks like you have left me no choice.  If you won’t listen to me, then it’s time to bring in the big guns, the folks who really know how to run things.  Boys get in here!

(window on the opposite side of the room slowly opens and two men slunk into the room)