Monday, February 13, 2012

Because Valentines Day Occurs During Hockey Season

"As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words... and hockey."
--William "Gordie" Shakespeare

Ah, Valentines Day is nearly upon us.  Can't us just smell the love in the air...underneath all of the snow? Well, never mind.

Anyway, enough small talk.  I have a confession to make.  During the Kansas-Mizzou Border War hockey game a few weeks ago, a certain someone caught my eye.  No, it wasn't the 'Dave' guy from those Staples commercials, although I swear some guy that either was him or looked like him was chillin' at the IEC dining area in-between periods.  It was a much lovelier beauty, with a name unknown.  She was the equipment girl/towel girl/bench bunny for the Jayhawks squad.  Her beauty unmatched by any other in the arena.  Her flowing golden hair moved with ease with each graceful step she took across the ice to the bench.  You should have seen her, you guys.  Here is a totally unflattering photo:
She is the one in the middle
You can also see a video of me totally not being a creep here.

Her presence was magical, really.  Something you notice, and cannot look away.

But, I have a problem, you guys.  Well, not so much me, but its her.  As a great man once said, "There is no excellent beauty than hath not some strangeness in the proportion."  This is true, for you see, she does not smile.  For three periods of hockey, not once did could you see a dimple in her cheek, or her lips upturn in a show of sudden emotion.  So stoic and unflinching, it makes me sad to think about.  Sure, she could have been "all business," taking a cue from Vince Lombardi's "act like you've been there before" motto, but it still makes me feel helpless.  If she cannot enjoy a hockey game, what can she enjoy?

So, I wrote a poem, you guys.  I wrote it because I think she speaks for all of us as hockey fans.  But, I mainly wrote because she's attractive.

(Note: for the sake of this poem, NHL is one syllable)

Ode to a Blank Faced Bench Beauty

The "Coolest Game on Earth" does not compare,
With thee beauty, much greater than the NHL.
Sweet, sensuous shock straighter than Smyth's hair.
Though your stare is as icy as Smashville.

For some, to kiss the Cup is one great wish,
For others, it is merely to kiss your cheek.
And plus, the Cup does not pucker its lips,
Or smile weak.  Though your smile is what one seeks.

But, longer loveliness than a season,
Somatic seduction.  A souvenir?
Rather, thou give hockey fans a reason
To want its charm and grace for all the year.

Even the cute girl with a face of stone,
Cannot build a Seattle team a home.

(BOOM!  Nailed it!)

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